The Decision

This past week was full of difficult decisions that have lead up to the creation and the name of this blog. After five tumultuous and stressful years of marriage, I have made and acted upon a decision to divorce Eric. One would think that I should feel very sad and upset about this decision; actually; I feel rather energized and relieved with the idea of not dealing with all the contention and abuse. It is kind of like a snake shedding its skin. Prior to shedding its skin, the skin is dry, dull and not so pretty. Once it sheds its skin, the skin is once again shiny and vibrant. I am feeling the vibrancy that I have struggled to keep alive for 5 years, sparking back into my spirit and can see it in my countenance.
Don't get me wrong; this was not an easy decision for me, nor is it one that I made with ease. I am saddened by the failure of yet another relationship. I am saddened by the realization that there are no fairy tale endings for me. I am sad for Eric who is feeling great loss now. I worry about him jumping into a new relationship and failing yet again. I pray he will take the time to get to know himself and accept himself before he marries again. I struggle as I think of the trials of being a single mom again but, this time, I know I am ready for them. I am saddened by the loss my younger kids feel. Eric is the only Dad they know. He has raised them since they began to form memories. They will certainly feel the loss greater than everyone else. I pray Eric will continue to nurture the relationship with them. They love each other so much and he is a good "Daddy Eric" to them.

I am so excited though and have great direction in my life for the first time....ever! I know what I need to do and how to get there from where I am at. I know life will bring its own challenges on the way, but I also KNOW I am strong. I have complete trust and faith that the Lord knows what I need and will direct my life along the way. He will nurture my spirit and heal my wounds. He will take my hand and place me on the path I need to be on, and be my companion that will never leave me or abuse me. All I have to do is listen and act when directed....that's all for today....next time, hopefully something less serious in nature! This blog is sure to contain some lighthearted and funny events as I travel my path!